in the flesh

Much to my chagrin surprise, I got to see the Cleveland Cavaliers play today, live in the flesh, and fo’ free. Thanks to Mom’s doctor friend who gave us the tickets. Or, maybe they should be thanking us for going. What?

/Begin rant/

The game was a pretty pathetic effort on the Cavs’ part if you ask me. That part was not a surprise.

Again, this is a bad team. A very, very bad team.

Any time that the Bucks’ 7′ center Andrew Bogut was on the floor, the Cavs had absolutely no chance. Bogut ended up with 23 points on 11 of 14 shooting, along with two fairly major swats. Bogut only ended up with 6 rebounds, which my Dad noted was low mainly because he (and, for that matter, his teammates) didn’t miss many shots for him to get rebounds on. Corey Maggette also scored 20 points. Yeah, Corey Maggette. Really.

There was an Earl Boykins fan in the crowd behind me who shouted his name every five minutes or so (Boykins went to a local Cleveland high school). This man is tiny, and not even by NBA standards – we’re talking… ok, I don’t want to call out any of my friends who are really short… you know who you are. Boykins is a generous 5’5″ and, get this, according to ESPN, 133 pounds. Most pro athlete’s steroid injected necks weigh this much.

So, that shows about how entertaining this game was. I just wrote a whole paragraph on Early Boykins, who doesn’t even play for the Cavs. In fact, other than complaining about their utter ineptitude, I haven’t even talked about the Cavs at all yet.

Ryan Hollins had a nice dunk in the second quarter.

Yeah, that’s about all I’ve got. And that’s pretty accurate – it was voted by the fans as the best play of the game. The second best play of the game? I kid you not – the Cavs couldn’t even muster the second best play of the game. That went to a bunch of people doing trick dunks off of trampolines. Admittedly, there were some impressive dunks, but it’s really, really sad when your team can’t even beat the entertainment, let alone the other team.

OK, I will give props to Antawn Jamison, who nailed the baseline hook shot all night, and Ramon Sessions, who gathered 22 points, largely on 14 of 16 made from the free throw line. Someone was practicing this week!

The remaining Cavs’ starters combined for 4 points. Nope, still not kidding. I think they tried to tear drop the ball over Andrew Bogut 15 times, working maybe once or twice. Guys, there were enough tears dropping all throughout the area; you didn’t have to add to the misery. (Had to do it.)

For the record, my favorite part of the game was the set of very funny video clips the Cavs’ techie people put on the scoreboard throughout the game. The clip which appeared last and second last, the same clip, pretty much sums up the Cavs’ season perfectly. How I wish I could find a video online of this chicken dance. It is silent, and simply shows, in black and white, a real chicken moving back and forth about a small room with only a radio in it, presumably playing the chicken dance song, or perhaps some sort of polka. It is remarkable how the chicken moves about the room with its legs flailing frantically while its body barely moves. This sums up the Cavs’ season. I’ll let you try to figure it out. Hint: you can’t, just like you can’t figure out the Cavs’ season, other than that they have no talent on the team. LeBron, I thought you only took your talent with you to Miami, not the whole team’s! It’s almost like Space Jam!

Cavs girls, please put some clothes on. Love, Mike.

/End rant/

Oh, and I might be perpetuating the cycle, but I like how the game after LeBron noted that “karma is a” female dog, he rolled his ankle, was out for a few games, and his team hit a 4 game slide.

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